Last blog

so last semester I wrote a blog entitled "Last blog". Little did I know it was not my last blog. But finally, unless Wendy ends up teaching oral comm and I somehow end up in her class and she makes us write blogs again, finally this is my last blog! And I am so proud of myself for keeping up with the blogs this time. I may not have written a blog every day, but every Friday there were 5 posts of my blog. I didn't have to do any catching up this time. I better have 100% for my blogs.

This year went by fairly quickly. And it was full of fun, excitement, tears, and plenty of drunken nights that I don't remember. But I have learned a lot. Maybe not a lot as far as school is concerned because I'm really not feeling it too much. But I've learned a lot about myself, and some of it I can't say I'm too happy about. But nonetheless I've learned a lot about who I am. I've realized I may not know as much as I thought I did and it may be awhile before I completely know who I am. I'm realizing that this whole college thing is a lot of work and it's not just fun. And I haven't quite decided if it's really my thing or not. Anyways, I've learned a lot this semester from everyone around me and I'm glad that the year is over, but I hope the connections I've made are not over. (Definitely glad the blogs are over though!)

"this is my wife. and her. and her. and her..."

So there was this raid at a polygamy colony out in Texas. It's been all over the news this week. After a 16 year old called in to a help-hotline saying she was raped, police raided the polygamist colony and took cutody of over 400 children. Right now there is a huge custody battle going on about what's going to happen to the children. Many of the girls as young as 14 and 15 were being forced into marriages with men as old as 50. These colonies are like cults. Men are in power and they often have numerous wives. Why anyone would allow themselves to stay in this situation is beyond me. This isn't the only colony. This kind of thing happens all over the place.

I watched a show on TLC about a polygamist man who had three wives. It wasn't a religious cult or colony, just a man with three wives. And they were all ok with it! It is absolutely astounding that a woman would demean herself by letting her husband marry other women. They all lived together and he would sleep with a different one each night. Hoe fucked up is that? And when you add kids into the equation, you are setting them up to have fucked up morals and views. It's not fair for children to have to grow up that way. No child should be taught that that kind of lifestyle is acceptable. Because it absolutely isn't. It's just so hard to imagine ever being a part of something like that, much less being ok with living like that. It just baffles me.

FUCK IT

So all this week my status on Facebook has included the phrase "fuck it." Everyone keeps asking me why I'm so angry. Wendy asked me in class yesterday what was wrong. Nothing's wrong, I'm not angry. It's just my new philosophy on life. I'm tired of stressing out about stupid shit. I hate school. I hate drama. So instead of worrying abotu anything or getting worked up, I just say FUCK IT. Then I can relax and enjoy my life. If I have a big test and I know I don't really know the material. Why try to study? I'm not going to learn anything new. So fuck it. If I'm talking to a new guy and he doesn't call me....fuck it. I don't need him anyways. Obviously if he hasn't called me he's an idiot, so I'm not gonna stress out about that shit. FUCK IT. When I'm at work and I have some gay customer that's being a bitch, fuck it. They're probably not going to leave me a good tip anyways, so just fuck it.

I've realized that if you don't stress out about so many things, you're life is generally better and you are a happier person all around. I like being laid-back and not having to worry about shit. I still have things to do and I still have to take care of my responsibilities, but if it's not a big deal or if something is just eating away at you, say FUCK IT. Throw it to the side and don't even worry about it. I'm happier already!

I'm over it

I'm really sick of all this rain. It's been so nice out the past couple of weeks with the exception of the rainy days. I don't have an umbrella, I don't have rain boots, I hate fucking rain. Today I got a shower and got dressed, dryed my hair and straightened it. Then I walked outside and got soaked. My hair was all curly, now I'm going to have to re-straighten it. I was wearing a skirt because I hate it when I wear jeans and it's rainging because I hate walking around with the bottom of my jeans wet, but since I was wearing a skirt with flip flops, my legs and feet were all wet. And it's not even warm and raining. It's freaking windy and cold. So I got soaking wet and then had to go sit in this meeting where they acted like it was Africa or something and had the air on full blast. So here I am in a white t-shirt, a short skirt, and flip flops, WET, and freezing. Needless to say I was pretty pissed off. I don't like being whiny and complainy but I just feel like bitching because I hate rain. Maybe if it was warm and I didn't have anything to do and I didn't care about what I was wearing...maybe then I wouldn;t care if it was raining. But I had just done my hair!!! come on!! And the other day I was at the mall and was about to buy some rain boots but then I spent $130 at Forever 21 and told myself I didn't need to buy anything else, so I decided against the rainboots. But obviously that was stupid because I needed them today. Whatever. I'm over this rain. It better not rain tomorrow.

Study Abroad

This summer I'm travelling with the University Singers to Germany. There are all these things that we have to get done and all these forms and whatnot that we have to turn in before we can go. Today there was this general study abroad meeting that we were required to go to. I didn't know the meeting was today until my friend reminded me. I get there at 2 and find out it's supposed to last until 5! I was like are you fucking kidding me?! I have the first performance of my opera tonight, I haven't eaten, and I had all my blogs to write. There was no way I was staying until 5. They showed us this ridiculous movie about things to be careful about in foreign countries. It seemed like it was trying to scare us out of going more than it was trying to help us. It was telling us things like wear condoms because STD's over there are bad, and things like don't do heroin because they'll be more strict and you'll have to stay in jail there. They showed us people dying in car accidents in rivers. I was like seriously? Out of all the helpful things they could be telling us, this is what they chose to show us? It was the worst movie ever and it was made in like the early 90's so everyone looked really stupid. I was so bored. My friend had to leave at 3:30 to go to work, so I took the opportunity to get out of there. There was no way I was about to sit there for another hour and a half listening to all that crap that you can figure out by using common sense. I'm going to Germany, not some third world country where I need to learn how to boil the water before I drink it! Give me a break!

Summer job

So I've got this pretty awesome job down at Young Avenue Deli. In case you've never been there, it's this restaurant/bar down at Cooper Young. It's got really good food and a fun midtown atmosphere. And it's only about 5 minutes down the street. The only problem is, this summer I'll be staying out in Cordova at my parents house and it's a long drive from there. I only work two nights a work: Thursday and Sunday. Unless I pick up other peoples' shifts. So driving out to midtown two nights a week during the summer won't be too bad. But I was thinking of getting a second job closer to my house just for the summer. I used to work at Red Robin in collierville and I thought about working there again just during the summer. But after thinking about it, I don't think I really want to do that. My job now is so laid back and there aren't any stupid rules that I have to follow. I don't have a really gay uniform or anything. So I've just gotten so used to that, that I don't really want to go back to such a strict job. And also, I didn't make as much money at Red Robin, and there was a lot of bullshit that I had to deal with.

I know I'll probly get bored during the summer and a lot of my friends do live out here in midtown, so I could just pick up more shifts and work out here. But with gas being like 10 dollars a gallon it just seems so ridiculous to drive so far away everyday. Oh well, I know I'll probably end up doing that, so whatever. It was just something I was thinking about. Maybe I'll find some cool bar in Cordova to pick some shifts up at. Who knows.

Where are you repairmen?

All this week we've had repairmen working on our shower. When we first moved in to Richardson Towers in the fall, there was a fairly bad leak on our carpet coming from under the bathroom door. Well it's been fixed twice already and it came back about a week ago. This time they actually fixed it. There were some tiles around the faucet in the shower that were so fragile, if they were touched the would have fallen off. So water has been leaking behind it and soaking our floor. Last week it was so bad, our room smelled like mildew and there was a puddle in our carpet. It slushed when we walked on it. I couldn't bare to stay in the room for longer than an hour unless I was asleep because the stench was so strong. We used up two cans or air freshner in a week.

Well two days ago the repairment started working on it. We got a key to a room down the hall to take our showers in. The first day they knocked out the old tile and replaced it. Then yesterday they came and grouted the wall. Both days they came early in the morning. They said by today we would be able to use it but first they had to come and put the handles and faucet back on. But where are they? I figured they would have shown up sometime while I was getting ready for class this morning because that's what they've done the past two days. But they still haven't been here. And I'm sure they won't be coming after 5 since that's about the time to go home. And then I bet they don't work on the weekends...so I hope they show up in the next couple hours because I don't want to have to shower down the hall anymore. It's like having communal bathrooms. So repairmen, you need to hurry up!

Nearing an end

So our freshman year of college is almost over. I've learned a lot these past two semesters. But I'm definitely glad it's almost over. I've learned a lot about myself and I've also realized there are a lot of things I don't know about myself. In high school I wasn't much of a studious student. Things came pretty easy to me and I'm not gonna lie, I was pretty lazy and took really easy classes. College had a lot more in store for me. I realized that I actually have homework that I actually have to do. And although I procrastinate and sometimes half-ass things, I always do my homework.

College has shown me that I don't always know everything. I've always had everything planned out and just this year, so many curve balls have been thrown my way and shown me that things will change without notice and I just kind of have to go with the flow. I have already decided that I'm not going to do the major I came into college with. I don't know exactly what I'm going to change it to, but I know what I'm not doing. I think I need to work on my attitude towards school and my work ethics because I've realized they aren't that great. I'm just not very motivated and I think it's because I haven't found that thing I super passionate about yet. Once I find it, I think it'll be a lot easier for me to be dedicated. Another problem I have is that I'm easily distracted. I just need to focus and get my work done.

I'm looking forward to what my future holds in store for me and I'm definitely glad this year is coming to an end. I have about two weeks left and while they will be the two most hectic weeks ever, I'm glad it's almost over!

Berlioz

So this entire year I've been a part of the University Singers ensemble here at school. I've been singing my whole life and I love being in choir. I was always in choir in high school but being in a college level chorus is so much better than high school choir. Anyways, this semester we've been working on a huge piece, The Berlioz Requiem. A requiem was a piece written for someone's funeral. This particular requiem was written by Hector Berlioz and has 10 movements. It's been pretty intense working on it and tomorrow night is the culmination of our work. We're performing the piece with the Memphis Symphony Chorus and the Memphis Symphony Orchestra, under the direction of Maestro Loebel.

The piece is really a wonderful piece. It's full of drama and excitement. It's amazing to think that these pieces used to be performed at people's funerals. The piece is about 110 pages and from start to end will last about an hour and a half. So needless to say, practicing for the piece has been kind of a bitch. Every night this week we've had rehearsals downtown from 7 until 10. The majority of the rehearsals are spent standing up, so we get tired really quickly. I'm always trying to save my voice because my opera is next weekend. So I've been having to lip sing a bit and sing softly so I don't get too burnt out.

I'm looking forward to the concert tomorrow night because the Cannon Center is a really nice venue and people have paid up to $100 for seats. It should be a really good concert, so if you don't have anything to do at 8:00 tomorrow night come on down for some good old classical music.

El Porton Day!!!

Every Friday my roommate and I go to El Porton. It's kind of our date night with each other because our lives are so hectic sometimes we don't get around to talking about everything. So every Friday we make it a point to try to go to El Porton at some point during the day. We've only skipped it a handful of times and only because our schedules didn't line up or we were going out of town or something. We never exclude anyone from El Po day though. Sometimes it's just me and Angie, but a lot of times we invite other people to go with us. We just love it because it's so cheap and soooo good.

I'm not really sure how the ritual started. I think we just went there one Friday and then the next week we went again and it just kind of got started. We always order the exact same thing. Two waters, a white cheese dip, and two chicken quesadillas with one side of lettuce. We used to look at the menu to change it up but we always ended up getting the same thing, so we just stopped looking at the menu. We made friends with one of the waiters there. His name is Ali and we love him. He always comes and talks to us and sometimes he's our waiter.

El Po Day is what gets us through the week. Just knowing that Friday is coming up and we'll get some El Porton makes the week go by so fast. I'm pretty sure this tradition will go on for a while!

Go Tigers

So I don't have anything to write about and I'm ready to get my weekend started so I was advised by my roomie to write about the game this weekend. How totally exciting is it that our Tigers have made it all the way to the Final Four? And hopefully they'll make it all the way to the championship. I'm not going to say they will make it, because I don't want to jinx it. I think that's why we lost the UT game. Everyone kept saying we were going to kill UT and they were really cocky about it and it jinxed us! Look what happened. So this time let's not be too cocky. But I think we have a pretty good chance of winning.

I have to work tomorrow night, but not until 7. So the game should be finishing up by then. It's pretty cool that we have something to brag about. No one ever gives Memphis that much credit. But no one can knock our basketball team. Man the other day we had a scare. I got a text message on Tuesday saying that NCAA News said that J.Dorsey was banned from the rest of the conference games due to possession of narcotics. Later we discovered it was just an April Fool's joke. Thank goodness! That would have sucked to lose one of our best players before the biggest game of the year! But thankfully that wasn't true. And tomorrow we will get to see our Tigers do their stuff. Until then...GO TIGERS!

Rock the Cradle

So I'm flipping through the channels trying to find something good to watch when I come across this new show "Rock the Cradle" on MTV. The basis of the show is an American Idol-esque talent competition. But there's a twist. All of the contestants are children of famous singers. The contestants include Landon Brown, son of Bobby Brown, Chloe Lattanzi, daughter of Olivia Newton John, Jesse Blaze Snider, son of Dee Snider, to name a few. There are a total of nine contestants who will perform each week until they are all eliminated except one.

It's almost unfair. These kids are trying to make it on their own, but it's automatically going to be easier for them than just some random Joe. They don't want to always be know as "that celebrity's kid." They already have their foot in the doot just because of who their parents are.

Well the show kicked off with Eddie Money's daughter Jesse Money. I'm a bit disappointed. She wasn't that great. But I guess we'll see how it ends up. I'm kind of skeptical....I'm not sure that these kids are that great just because of who their parents are.

Is Sunbathing good for you?

http://www.slate.com/id/2187566/

Well I just got back from tanning, so I found this article appropriate. During high school, I never went tanning. I was one of those girls who was totally against it. The only time I went tanning in high school was the week before prom. But coming to college things changed. My roommate works at Tan-N-Go. So that in itself is kind of tempting. Needless to say I started tanning on a regular basis. But now I like it. I like being tan. But I always have that little voice in the back of my head telling me I should cut back because I don't want to end up with skin cancer or something.

Well I found this article very interesting because it examined indoor tanning and sun exposure. It says that some exposure to the sun may actually be good for you. It says that the tanning has a degree of vitamin D that is important to have and you can get it from tanning for about 15 minutes two-three times a week. That's about what I do! So now I can justify my tanning with the fact that I am actually filling my body with important nutrients. It also examines the myths that tanning causes cancer. It shows studies of nonmelanoma and melanoma cancers and who often contracts the disease. There is a very small percent of people who seem to receive cancer from sun exposure. This really eases my mind. Because I really don't want to give up my tanning!

This Week in Racism

http://www.slate.com/id/2187797/

Well this article seemed perfect keeping on the topic of racism that we've been discussing this week. It gets to a point where you talk about something so much that there's nothing left to say; it just becomes a blur of words and opinions that have no meaning anymore. After I read this article I felt like there was nothing left to say. It just seems so ridiculous.

The article is about the cover of the latest issue of vogue. It shows basketball superstar, LeBron James roaring while clutching supermodel Gisele Bundchen in his arms. So what's the controversy? Well it seems this cover is all too similar to the old movie poster for King Kong; a giant gorilla roaring and holding a small white woman in his arms. What does this allude to? The comparison of black men to apes. So therefore this month's issue of Vogue is racist. Seriously? Is this the best they can come up with? As if there isn't enough talk about racism in politics and everything else right now. They have to stir it up anywhere they can. It's absolutely ridiculous. I highly doubt the photographer, famous celebrity photographer Annie Leibovitz, was thinking of the 1930's film while shooting.

This is just so completely out there to me. The author of the article said he had "racism fatigue." It does seem like it's something overly brought up. Talking about it in class today proved that too. I definitely think there is racism and a lot of times there is a double-standard and some say it isn't talked about enough. But I think the wrong aspects of racism are talked about. The author pegged it when he said :

"America will never be a 'Let's talk about race' kind of place. It'll always be a 'Let's talk about how we can't talk about race' kind of place."

Too often people bring up things that aren't racist, such as this magazine cover. Or they overexpose things to make them seem worse than they really are. It's a problem. If we're going to talk about racism let's do it the right way. Get rid of all the political correctness that we highlighted in class. Get down to the real stuff. Talk about that. I'm tired of hearing ridiculous statements of racism.

Race

You know, race is one of those things that you want to talk about, you just aren't really sure what you can say. I think people want to talk about it, they're just afraid if they do they might sound like a racist. I guess I'm speaking for white people obviously. I don't try to act like I know what it's like to have people judge me based on the color of my skin. But I feel like I'm really close to the issue considering that the guy I dated for the past 2 years is black. I think I gained a lot from that relationship in regards to race.

I've never been the type of person to judge someone by their skin color. I've also never been the person who was afraid of what people would think about me. So when I started dating a black guy, I didn't really care what anyone, including my family, would think. I don't come from some deep southern, dixie outfitter kind of family. But at the same time, my family wasn't so keen on the whole interracial thing. In fact, they tried to talk me out of it. But I stood my ground and did what I wanted. You can't help who you love.

I think racism is just as prevolent in our society today as it was 50 years ago. Yes, we have made advances in schools and public transportation, etc. But I think there are just as many people who are racist. They just may not express it because it's sort of frowned upon. It's kind of swept under the rug and people pretend like it doesn't happen. But it does. When I was dating my boyfriend, I know he used to be really self-concious and would get upset when people stared at us in public. It didn't bother me I guess because I look at it as being ignorant. If someone wants to judge me, it just proves how ignorant ther are. He told me once that he felt like he was always trying to please others. He always had to look his best because if he slipped up and wore baggy pants or something people would label him as just an "ignorant black kid." I never really got it until then. I always brush it off and say I don't care what other people think about me. I don't try to dress nice to impress other people. But for him, it was more than that. If he didn't dress a certain way, he felt like people would be disappointed, like he had some standard to uphold. I guess that's something I can never FULLY understand.

I am fascinated by race. I love to learn about it. Everytime I'm at the mall or at a restaurant and I see a black person holding hands with a white person I just get so happy inside. 50 years ago people risked their lives by doing that. So obviously we are progressing. I think there will always be some racism, just like there will always be people who think I can't do things because I'm a woman. You can't be responsible for all the ignorant people in the world. But you can be responsible for yourself. I don't think I'm racist but I admit that I do hold certain stereotypes. And I guess that is a form of racism in it's own. But white people aren't the only people that have those. I hate it when certain black people think that all white people are out to get them. Like when we were talking about Kanye West. You know, there are racist people, but we aren't all racist. There are stereotypes that black people have about white people and we all have stereotypes about asians and everyone else. A stereotype, racism, is simply the unknown. We have those views because we just don't know or understand.

It's a really sensative subject, race is. But I think the only way to desensitize it is to talk about it. It may be something that's really uncomfortable to talk about and you find yourself not knowing how or what to say. But it's important to talk about it. It's important to understand where other people are coming from.

Earth Hour

Last post of the week. What to write about? I've had a really hard week so I'm not in the mood to think of some phylosophical thought or talk about anything creative. But I found this article on Yahoo news and it was really interesting.

http://green.yahoo.com/news/afp/20080328/wl_asia_afp/climatewarmingaustraliaearthhour.html

The article talks about an "earth hour" set for tomorrow. Founded by Andy Ridley, the earth hour is a time tomorrow where cities across the world have agreed to turn off the lights for one hour in awareness of global warming. It seems like they are shutting down the lights of major attractions and landmarks and encouraging businesses and homeowners to do the same. It's a really great effort in trying to raise awarenss. This one hour will not help out that much in lowering energy use, but it will hopefully make people realize how important it is to conserve energy. I think most people, myself included, just don't think about how bad global warming really is and it's more of a hassle to do eco-friendly things. I don't think turning out the lights for an hour is so bad. They say it will occur at 0900 GMT...but I'm not sure exactly what time that would be here. Only 3 U.S. cities have signed up to participate in the earth hour. Chicago, San Fransisco, and Atlanta. So maybe sometime tomorrow, turn out your lights for an hour. It might be at the same time as everyone else, but just think about how much energy you waste. Global Warming may not seem like such a problem to us now, but it will be.

Last RCWS event

Last night was the final River City Writers Series event for the semester and school year. This was the first one I went to that had more than one author. I liked it though because it broke it up. Sometimes the readings can drag and get a little boring when it's just one person talking the whole time, but this was a good mix-up.

The first author was Christine Kenneally. She read from her book about the evolution of language. All the previous works I had read of hers were all somewhat scientific. This book was no different. I'm not really in to the whole science thing but it was interesting to hear her work. She was Australian too so she had a cool accent. I found it very interesting that all three writers wrote about subjects that were true and had to be researched in depth to write about them. I know how much research sucks and I hate doing it so I gave them all props for that.

The second reader was Josh Prager. I really liked his presence. His book was also a factual report of the most famour baseball game in the 1950's. He talked about interviewing the players and the scandal behind the game. It was really interesting to hear about his meeting with the players.

Third was Stacey Sullivan. She wrote a book war and how one man in New York single handedly set up his own militia and sent the supplies and weapons. You never think that one person can make a difference but in this case he did. Because of his help, $30 million was raised and he helped his army kill many of the enemy. They are heroes now.

The three people were just very interesting to listen to. It's hard to sit that long and be attentive when you're so ADD like me, but it was really good.

A History of the Hangover

http://www.slate.com/id/2187387/

I found this article on Slate magazine online entitled "A History of the Hangover." I thought that sounded interesting so I figured I would look into it. It wasn't very long and I would exatcly call it a history of the hangover. It said that the hangover was once viewed as being caused by the stock market crash. I don't think I would consider that a reason for a hangover, unless it was because of the stock market crash that people went out and got really drunk which gave them a hangover.

The article mentioned that a well-known "cure" for a hangover is roast beef. I can honestly say I have never heard that. But surely the next time I have a hangover I'm gonna roll down to Arby's and see if that helps. There really isn't a cure for a hangover, but they do have a drug called Chaser Plus that is supposed to relieve hangovers. I've never tried it, but I alsways see it at the counter when I'm checking out at Walgreen's.

Thinking about hangovers makes me think of a friend of mine who always wakes up after a night of drinking and thinks she's still drunk. In reality, she just doesn't know that that's what a hangover is. She thinks she's still drunk, but no. It reminds me of that movie School of Rock where Jack Black announces to the class and says he has a hangover and asks if anyone knows what that means. One kid asks if that means he's drunk and he says "no, that means I was drunk yesterday." Well enough about the hangover. There's not much to say about it.

Infidelity in office

Today I went to lunch with two friends of mine. We were at a restaurant and there were tvs with the news on. One was talking about a Hillary Clinton rally where a woman asked her about Monica Lewinsky. Clinton refused to answer the question. I wouldn't have answered it either. My friend said that she thinks it's an important aspect when thinking about voting for someone. I disagree. She argued that someone who stays with their husband after knowing they had an affair is weak and shouldn't be considered President. I'm not particularly a Hillary supporter or anything but I disagree. I think it took a lot of courage for her to stay with her husband when the whole country knew he had an affair. I also don't think you can judge someone else's personal life. Did she only stay with her husband for political reasons? Possibly. But everyone isn't the same. Some people think there is absolutely no reason to stay with someone if they've cheated on you. I'm not an advocate for affairs, but I think sometimes the answer isn't always to break up or get a divorce. Most likely, she stayed with Clinton because of his political position. It would have hurt his position is she had left him. While many women wouldn't care (most would find pleasure in screwing them over as revenge), she stayed with him. Think about how hard that must have been for her. I'm not saying she was right or wrong, I'm just saying no one else should say if she was right or wrong. It was a personal matter that I'm sure was very hard for her to deal with. She tried to do it gracefully and without falling apart. I don't think it's anyone else's business but theirs.

Suicidal Tendencies

http://www.boston.com/news/globe/ideas/articles/2005/03/20/suicidal_tendencies?pg=full

I found this article written by Christine Kenneally about the relationship between IQ and suicide. Christine Kenneally is one of the authors who will be at tomorrows River City Writers Series event. So while I was looking at her blog I found this article.

The article talks about studies that have been done that link people's IQs to their suicidal tendencies. It talked mostly about men in their studies. (I find it interesting that they linked low IQs with men...ha). But the studies that were done we conducted in Sweden and other Scandinavian countries which have the highest suicide rates in the world. When I read that I thought of course they have the highest suicide rate! It's so fucking cold there people would rather kill themselves than be that cold. Ha, no. The study related IQ and education with suicide. It showed that men with low IQs but with lower level education were no more likely to kill themselves. But men with low IQs that had higher education were more likely to kill themselves. I can see how that would be true. If you have well-educated parents and you attend a higher level education such as college, you may feel inadequate if you have a low IQ. That puts pressure on someone to do well and if they fail it can push someone into depression which in turn can cause someone to kill themselves.

I don't know how anyone could ever kill themself. I think everyone gets depressed at some point in their life and may think there is nothing good going for them, I mean I've thought that before. But even if I ever thought things were so bad that I needed to kill myself, I don't think I would ever have the guts to do it. It just baffles me how people can do that to themselves.

double standard

My roommate and I just went to dinner with a male friend of ours. He was talking about his problems with a girl he's seeing and whatnot. Eventually we just started talking about relationships in general and how there is such a double standard between guys and girls. Is so much of a double standard that it's really sickening. If a girl has sex with 5 guys she's a whore; but if a guy has sex with 5 girls he's idolized. I'm not trying to say a girl that has sex with tons of guys should be seen as innocent or that it's ok. But certainly if a guy does the same thing it shouldn't be acceptable. Our friend was telling us like where he would draw the line with a girl and it kind of rubbed us the wrong way. Like a guy won't do certain things with a girl, but if se refused to do them, they would be furious. It really just kind of pisses me off. I don't know where guys thought it was ok to treat women like the only reason they are around is to please men. Women should be treated like princesses. I think guys feel that since girls are more sensitive and emotional that they can just walk all over us. Of course, I'm not speaking for all men, because there's a handful of good ones. And everyone slips up. But really, guys, girls don't need that much to be happy. Just be honest and faithful and pay attention to the little things. It's just really not that hard, and I don't understand why guys don't get it. I really just think they aren't that smart. No, I'm just kidding, but really. Treat women like they deserve to be treated and don't encourage that double standard. It only makes things worse.

Press Conference

So again, we had a less than normal class period. This time it was a press conference. With the coming of Easter and the fifth year anniversary of the war in Iraq, it was interesting to see the connections between the two and our country's values. Unfortunately, I wasn't really all "there" this morning. I wasn't up to my full debating potential. With that said, the topic on which we were debating was one that wasn't really easy. It was really hard to debate AGAINST the war when pretty much everyone is against the war.

I think this exercise taught us a few things about the writing process of our papers. Since these papers are about factual topics, it is important to know the facts. With the debates today, we could sort of bullshit it to a point, but we had to know the basis of what we were arguing and the facts about the topic unless we wanted to sound like an idiot babbling things out of the bible that aren't really true. I think writing our papers are the same way. We can try to bullshit them to a certain point, but when it comes down to it, we have to know the general facts about our subject or else the paper won't make sense.

It is good to see both sides of the story. I think that's another thing we saw in the debates today. Since these papers are supposed to be about a problem with our city, there are going to be different opinions about it. I think it's important to show both sides of an issue so that you can fully support your own opinion. If you only know one side, you can't accurately agree or disagree.

uggh...

So I finally just finished writing this stupid paper for my stupid UNHP class. Keyword STUPID! I can not stress how completely worthless this class is. We have this project due tomorrow. Our assignment was to research different ways news is reported around the world and write a 5-6 page paper about it. That's it. There were no guidelines, nothing. So I had to find websites of foreign newspapers and find some article that they all had in common. Fortunately I actually found an article on each website that each had to do with the war in Iraq. So then I had to write about how they related to each other and whatnot. Seriously....I hate that class. Unfortunately we're required to take two semesters of it if we want to graduate with honors. Which means I still have one semester left. Uggggh.

Not only do I have that class tomorrow, but I have accounting. I pretty much failed my test in accounting yesterday. I just have no idea what the teacher is ever talking about. I would have dropped it if it wouldn't have made me drop below 12 hours, which I have to have for the Hope scholarship. This semester is just full of classes I hate. I can not wait for the next 28 school days to be over. Because that's all I have left.

The moral of this blog is that school SUCKS!

Debate!

This mornings debate was a refreshing change to the regular pace of class. It was fun, I thought, to interact with everyone for a change. I feel like last semester we all interacted a lot more and so it made the class more meaningful. It was also nice to talk about last night's event since mroe people had gone. It's great when more people get to go to the events because it gives us something to talk about the next day that we all have in common. But back to the debate. The topics that we chose were a bit difficult to argue. It's hard to disagree with the statement that schools are failing our students. But I thought the debate was good.

On the first topic, we tried to push the view that many schools do not prepare students for college. I feel that is very true. Many schools' curriculums and lesson plans are very strict and rarely do teachers ever stray from them. Because of this, I feel like students don't get the chance to learn things on their own. They are babied through courses and because of it become dependant on someone else to always be there to help them. Once they get to college though, there is no more hand-holding. The professors just give you an assignment and you have to figure out how to accomplish it on your own. I do not think this is a "personal problem" on behalf of the students. I think schools need to work out a better system to prepare students for college.

The other group related their school topic to overcrowding in high schools and how that affects discipline and the learning environment. I've personally seen the problems of overcrowding. I went to a very overcrowded high school and it does cause many problems when trying to learn. When you have 35 students in a classroom, it is harder to discipline them when they act up. It's almost as if the students gang up against the teacher because they outnumber them. I've seen that happen many a time. Eventually the teacher gives up and no one learns anything. Unless I was in an honors class, I felt like I was wasting my time. There are so many students who think school is a joke, that they hinder the education of those students that care about learning. Of course the best solution to overcrowding is to build new schools. Unfortunately the money is not always available for this. It's hard to figure out a solution to overcrowding but something needs to be done. It just isn't practical.

I enjoyed the debates and the class overall this morning. It actually kind of woke me up, being 8 o'clock and all. We should do it mroe often.

Floyd Skloot

Tonight I trekked downtown with Courtney, Christa, and Jenn to hear Floyd Skloot at another River City Writer's Series event. I liked the atmosphere of the art gallery as the setting for the reading, except it was really cold and Wendy wouldn't serve me wine. But after hearing Floyd's work, I was really intrigued by some of his pieces. I normally don't like poetry very much so when he started out by reading some of his poems, I wasn't really that interested. I just find myself not being able to connect with poems because once you get into them, they're over. I did like his last poem though. It was a love poem for his wife which I thought was really kool. I love seeing older people that still are completely in love with their spouse. The poem talked about how the cells in your body are always changing, so his skin is not the same as the first time they touched, but he still remembered how that felt. And so on...I though it was really cute.

He then went on to read a non-fiction piece of work and also a fiction piece. I usually find myself enjoying non-fiction as opposed to fiction, but tonight was different. I didn't find his non-fiction piece all that relatable or really interesting to me. However I felt really connected to his fiction piece once he introduced it. He told us the background of the piece was what started out as a memoir of his parents and how they met, why they married, and why they stayed together when it was obvious they despised each other. I always think the same thing about my parents. All they do is fight. Every sentence out of one of their mouths is a sarcastic comment or arguement towards the other. He told us though that he didn't know much about his parents' history, with his father having died when he was 14 and his mother with Altzheimer's, so he made it a fiction piece where he could make up a logical past that might have been similar to theirs. I really found it interesting and enjoyed the images that his work portrayed. He talked about them going rowing out on a lake and I could picture the boat and the oars.

I really enjoyed listening to Mr.Skloot's readings. He seems to be a man that has overcome a lot in his life. He told us of how he contracted a viral disease 20 years ago that affected his brain and his ability to perform tasks that are a part of everyday life. He had to re-learn how to read and because of the illness he had to learn a new technique for his writing. Because of this, he said he became a better writer. I liked it when he said that because it backs up my thought that everything happens for a reason. It might have seemed at the time that this disease would have been life-shattering, but he turned it in to something amazing. His story was very inspiring to me. I'm really glad I could go and hear him read. I'm looking forward to the next reading.

meaningless

I hate feeling like I'm writing about something meaningless that no one cares about. But It's become harder and harder for me to write these blogs. I feel like they're getting shorter and I'm skipping days. I jut don't feel motivated to do anything. So on that note, I'm going to write about something completely meaningless but it's all I'm thinking about: America's Next Top Model. Me and Daniel talk about this all the time and I think we've both written blogs about it. Well the new season started up and I think it's going to be a good one. Last season I watched every episode but I wasn't really feeling any of the girls. This season, I think there are some good ones. And I was glad last week when the cocky bitch got kicked off. Normally the cocky girl who thinks she's better than everyone else stays on pretty long which makes for interesting episodes because she always pisses everyone off and causes drama. Well I'm glad she got kicked off early this time because I hate people with that kind of attitude that think they are amazing and no one can tell them anything because they're already perfect and no one can beat them because they're the best. Well not one of those girls has ever won; not Lisa, not Jade, not Melrose, not Bianca, and this season not Allison. I missed this Wednesday's episode because I went to see that movie The Other Boleyn Girl. So I'm about to watch it online and I hope it's good. At least it will keep me occupied until my roommate gets off work!

Disappointed

Today has been thoroughly disappointing so far. My boyfriend was supposed to come home from spring break today before he goes back to school on sunday. Instead, he decided just to ride back with his friends so he wouldn't have to make two trips. It really sucks though. I was looking forward to spending once last weekend with him before he went back to school because the next time I'll be able to see him is in the summer. It really sucks having a long distance relationship. You know, when you go from seeing someone almost everyday for a year, it's really hard not to. It's hard but we do it. It makes every time we see each other that much more special. And I know he loves his school and he hates being here, so I'm glad that he's happy. I just wish he could've come home this weekend. Now I'm sad and I have nothing to do until my roommate gets off work. We've decided to have a pity party this weekend. She's recently had some boy trouble too and now I'm sad because of this, so we're just gonna drink and be sad all weekend. Sometimes it just feels good to feel sorry for yourself every now and then. Not all the time of course, but just for a little while. It's refreshing to cry a little...or a lot in my case once I've had a few drinks....and just get everything out of your system. So that's what we're doing. As soon as she gets off work we're eating dinner at El Porton as we do every Friday and then going to a friends house. Then tomorrow my parents will be going out of town so I'm spending then night and taking care of our pets so I think I'll have a few friends over to entertain me. Then I'm looking forward to not having to go to work on Sunday...instead I have Opera practice. So while it's not the weekend I was expecting of hanging out with my wonderful boyfriend, I guess I'll get through it and count down the days until summer when he's finally back home!

There must be a way out

So I've talked a lot about my whole problem of not knowing what to major in and whatnot. It's just really hard for me to not know what to do and not have a plan. That's why school is so dreadful for me right now. It's not that I don't love college or anything, I just hate classes. And I know I'm not the only one, but I really hate it. I'm skipping one of my classes right now actually. I just feel like it's pointless for me to sit in these classes that have no purpose for me and I don't even know what classes I do want to be taking. My roommate has been feeling kind of the same way, so we've divised a plan to get out of here. I know it's really sad but I just don't feel determined to do anything. I want to sing, but I don't want to go to college for it. If I got a degree in singing, I wouldn't have a job that paid me enough money after college. So I've decided to go on American Idol. Everyone has always told me to do it before, but I never really took them seriously. My sister got mad at me when I didn't try out when they were in Memphis. I just never really thought about it because I didn't want to miss out on anything here. Well now I've realized I'm not missing out on anything and I really just want to get out of here. So I'm waiting until August and I think I'm gonna try out. My roommate wants to try out for The Real World. So our plan is to both go on our reality tv show of choice and then get famous and have our own show! That would be cool. We always joke about how we should have our own show because we are so much fun. Ha....well who knows. All I know is I have to figure out something because I really can't stand school anymore.

The Other Boleyn Girl

I went to the movies last night to see The Other Boleyn Girl. I didn't realize that the movie was based on the true story of King Henry VIII of England. Man I'm glad I didn't live back then. Thing were so fucked up. Everything was based on power and status. The story revolves around the Boleyn family who are seeking to move up in status and wealth. They have discovered that there is a way they can move in and get close with the king. His wife, the queen, has been unable to produce a male heir to the throne. Therefore the king is getting restless and is looking for a mistress. It is so astonishing to me how they delt with this issue. It's was like if you were going to cheat on your wife, it was an arranged thing. Like, no one said it out loud, but everyone knew what was going on. Even the queen knew and could do or say nothing about it. So The Boleyn family has two daughters and one son. The youngest daughter is married and the eldest daughter is set to be the king's mistress. However, when she "messes up", the family becomes scared of losing their place with the king and throw in the younger daughter to take her place. It makes no difference to them that she is happily married. They send the family to live with the king and place the girls in the queen's court as her helpers. I just couldn't believe that everyone did what their families told them to do. Even if it meant adultery and betrayal. I don't want to ruin the movie but I just couldn't get over how fucked up it was. That was a really corrupt time. I liked the dresses though. It'd be pretty cool to wear those.

Value of Marriage

I got carried away reading my Cosmo last night that I didn't post a blog. But I did come across an inspiration for a blog. There was an article discussing marriage especially in Hollywood. It talked about the phenomenon that seems to be going on now where many stars are having children and cohabitating without being married. They had quotes from stars saying that they didn't feel they needed a ring to be parents. I disagree. It's not that I think you can't have kids without being married, it happens. But I do value the importance of marriage and I think if you love someone enough to share your life with them and to give another life, you should be married. I'm not married, obviously, but I can imagine what it's like. When you're married, it's a binding thing. It's not something to be taken lightly. Once you're married, you can't just break up because of a little fight. You work things out when you're married. Not that you should cheat on someone when you aren't married, but when you are married it's like taboo. You don't cheat on your spouse. Of course there are always going to be people that cheat, and get divorced, but I'm speaking of what marriage SHOULD be. I think that's why there is such a high rate of divorce in this day and time. People don't value marriage. They rush into marriage without thinking things through. It's a shame that Hollywood seems to be the role-model of our society. Celebrities live in a fantasy world. It's pretty much like they live in one of their movies. They do things that you just don't do in real life. I just tink it's a shame that they are bringing these views of marriage out as a "new way of living."

drinking age

I just got back from eating dinner at my work. It was our friend's birthday and she wanted to eat there so we went. When we walked in, we were followed by two sheriffs. We were like "uh ohhhh I wonder what's going on here!" Apparently the ABC (alcoholic beverage commision) had been sending people into restaurants to make sure they were IDing people. One of the girls that works with me had unfortunately forgotten to ID someone and it just happened to be someone underage, sent in from the ABC. She was busted and that's why the sheriffs were there. It's a really serious offense when that happens. You don't go to jail or anything, but the restaurant gets fined about $500-$600. Also, our boss had to fire her. It was really sad because the girl had been working there for five years. I know it's a big deal, but I don't think she should've been fired. My brother did the same thing once. He was fired from a previous job because he forgot to ID someone. I've been really lucky. Sometimes I forget to ID, but luckily no one has ever been underage. It's something that you have to be really careful about.

While we were eating, and talking about it, my roommate said that she thinks they should just change the drinking age to 18. I don't think it's that great of an idea. I mean yeah, it would be nice to be able to buy alcohol, but I'm a responsible person. Many people our age, however, are not that responsible. I think if the drinking age went down, there would be more drinking fatalities and incidents. My roommate was right though saying that if kids want to get it, they will. It does hinder the ability to get it and makes it a lot harder to get if you aren't 21. I just think that's a bad idea. I really don't think it should be as serious as it is though. It really sucks that we lost a really good waitress because of a small mistake.

Visitation

I'm so tired right now. It's been a long day. And now I only have one more day to get through and then I'm leaving to go to Tampa for a week. But before I get too carried away with that, I wanted to talk a little bit about what I did tonight and how it got me thinking. On Monday my mother called me to inform me the husband of a woman she teaches with had unexpectedly passed away. The woman is a close friend of my mother's and has also played piano for me before. It really is a sad story. The woman had been at the hospital with her youngest daughter who was sick with the flu, when she got a phone call saying that her older daughter had found her husband dead on the bathroom floor in what was an apparent heart attack. They didn't do an autopsy but it was apparent that he had likely died from a heart attack. He had been in remission from cancer and many times chemo weakens the heart. In addition, he was overweight which added to the weakness of his heart; unfortunately it was too much to survive the heart attack.

Tonight my mother and I went to the visitation together. It was the most amazing thing I'd ever seen. We walked in the door and there were hundreds of people. Then we relalized they were all standing in line. They were standing in a line that wrapped around the entire main room, through smaller rooms, hallways, and on and on until finally reaching the room with the casket. I couldn't believe how many people were there. I mean I've been to visitations and funerals before but this was amazing. It must have been so touching to his family to know that he touched so many lives. He was a drama teacher at a local high school, so many of the students were there. There were also people from my mother's school to support their friend who was sitting by the casket grasciously greeting each and every person that came through. I really just can't imagine how she did it. I don't know how I could cope with losing the love of my life. It really makes you think about things.

I started thinking about it; and everytime something like this happens, I always think about it. I almost get into this sort of funk where that's all I can think about for days. I just don't know how I could go on if I lost that one person that meant the world to me. It makes every little fight you have with someone seem so unimportant. What if you had a fight with someone and then they died without resolving it. Wouldn't that be the worst feeling in the world? I just can't stop thinking about things like that. It's really sad. I know that everyone dies eventually but I hate thinking about it, as do most people. I just feel so bad for their family. It must be the worst feeling in the world. I really don't know how I could get through something like that.

Littlemindedness

Robert Frost said, "We come to college to get over our littlemindedness." Discuss in relation to your own experiences.

This is an interesting quote to try to interpret. Robert Frost says this to express the importance and purpose of college. I think what he's trying to say is that before college we are very naive and think of things on a small scale. In high school, we don't really think of the big picture, just what's happening then. Once you get to college, there is so much more going on. You are expected to take initiative and do your work without being told. The professors don't care if you come to class, or if you do your work. That's why so many people fall behind. You have to do things on your own. No longer do you have someone holding your hand and taking you through things step by step.

I've had a hard time getting to this stage. I'm really good about getting up and going to class. I rarely ever miss. The way I look at it is, I'm paying for it so I might as well go. If I don't go to class, I might as well just trow $10,000 in the trash can. However I must admit I'm not very good about taking initiative. Part of that I think is that I'm havign a hard time deciding what I want to major in. I honestly cannot think of a single thing I want to do for the rest of my life. It's really discouraging. I hate going to class everyday because I'm going to classes that I hate. They are general ed classes that I won't need for whatever I eventually do decide to do with my life. I hate it. Thus, I don't really try as hard as I could. I wait until the last minute to do everything and I pretty much half-ass everything. I normally manage to come out with decent grades though. This is how it's been my whole life. I just don't think I can be motivated to do something until I find something I'm really interested in. I do think I have grown up somewhat though and am past my "littlemindedness."

where's ANTM?!?

ok so seriously I'm really pissed off right now. I just wrote an entire blog and when I hit post, there was an "error" on Blogger and it conveniently deleted my blog. So I'm going to just give a little recap about my blog but it probably won't be as good or as detailed as the original was. Well tonight I sat down to turn on America's Next Top Model for the newest episode and instead I found that there was a stupid basketball game on instead!!! What the F?! So instead I was sucked into watching WifeSwap. In case you've never seen WifeSwap, the basis is that they take two wives from completely different families around the country and swap them with another family that has a completely different style of living.

The episode that I watched tonight dealt with two very different families. One family had a mother that worked all day while her husband did all the chores around the house. She was a very cold woman who prided herself in not showing too much emotion. She never showed emotion to her four children and made sure they were very self-sufficient. They were all very intelligent and in turn thought everyone else was ignorant. The second family was a down-south country family with a wife who thought the woman's place was in the home taking care of her family. She believed that her husband was the provider and that her role was to do anything and everything for him and their children.

In the end, the women learned a lot from swapping families. The first mother learned that she should be more affectionate and in touch with her emotions. She learned that her husband could also work and that she could pitch in with work around the house. The second wife learned that she was no one's slave and that she shouldn't let her family take advantage of her. It's really interesting to just see how other people live their lives. It's crazy to think that there are actually people out there that live like this. But I guess this is a good example that there is always hope that someone can change.

Paradigm

I was doing so much work on all those articles last night that I fell asleep before I remembered to do a blog. My bad. So Paradigm. The definition according to Dictionary.com is "one that serves as a pattern or a model." In relation to the article, I can only assume that this means we are supposed to use it as a paradigm for our papers. All of the articles in the Atlantic were written really well. The structure of the articles was very easy to follow and serves as a great model for what we are supposed to be doing. After talking about it in class today, it's a little less intimidating. Now I can just re-read these articles and take notes on how they are written, what they focus on, and how I can relate them to my own paper.

My topic of consolidation is quite a bit harder than I thought it would be. I chose consolidation because it was the only topic I really had an opinion about. Although I didn't and still don't know a whole lot about the subject, I knew what seemed to be a logical conclusion to the issue. However, it has been a lot harder to find information that is reliable. Most of the things I am finding are people's opinions and are not fact-based. Hopefully I can find something in the books that we were given a list of. Also, re-reading these articles in the Atlantic should help me in organizing my paper.

Porn Nation

So I know I already wrote a blog today, but I'm leaving early tomorrow to go visit my boyfriend for the weekend and I don't want to have to worry about blogging while I'm visiting him. So I'm just going to write two in one day. I just went to the presentation being held in the Rose Theatre called Porn Nation. It was a presentation about sexual addictions and how our society and media promote sex. It was led by Michael Leahy who is a former sexual addict. Personally, I've never really seen a problem with porn. I don't think there's anything wrong with it as long as it's not hurting anyone. I don't necessarily agree with that lifestyle, like I'm not jumping at the chance to be a porn star or anything, but I don't really see anything with the occasional porno. I mean I'll admit I've seen one or two and honestly they're more comical than they are arousing.

Well back to the point of this blog. Michael incorporated movie clips into his presentation that showed the realities of porn. Things you wouldn't consider being porn, but actually are. It was just really interesting to see it from a different point of view. He described how he became addicted to porn and how it ruined his marriage and everything in his life. It's just really astonishing that this actually happens to people. To me it's hard to understand how someone can be addicted to something like that. But something you may not know is that sexual addictions are the number one addiction in this country. It's sad to think about how much sex really does run our media and society.

He went on to tell how he was saved by God and that's what turned his life around. It was a bit preachy for me, but at the same time it gives hope to people going through similar struggles. I always try to think why things like this exist. And I definitely think things happen for a reason. This is a key example; if it weren't for Michael's addiction and his willingness to talk about it, many other people might suffer from the same thing and never get help. Because of his openness, he has helped many people realize the dangers of a simple hobby.

Your race, your looks

I found this article so intriguing. It just seems absurd that someone's status in their career could be based from their hair. While it's understandable that certain jobs require a certain dress code, the way you wear your hair should not make a difference. I am not an African American female so I really can not put any personal experiences behind this opinion. I thought it was funny when the woman talked about her mom being white and how she didn't know what to do with her hair. I always say that's going to be me one day; I'll have little mixed babies and have no idea what to do with their hair!! As far as African American women thinking they are "selling out" if they straighten their hair, I don't think that's necessarily true. I think as long as you are doing something because you like it and not to suit someone else, then it's fine. Sometimes I'm jealous of black girls because they have so much variety with their hair. I always wanted to be able to do braids or dreads but they would look disgusting on me.

The main focus of the article, hair in the workplace, is well stated. Unfortunately, in many careers you do have to look a certain way to succeed. But I agree with their statement that generation after generationg, thinks are getting better. Things become more accepted with time. It's kind of similar with the fact that I have piercings on my face. There are a lot of jobs that would not accept that and I would have to take them out. I've had those jobs. And it sucks, but just like the quote from Denzel, sometimes you do have to do things that you don't want to do to get ahead, and once you're ahead you can do what you want. This article was very informative to me, someone who doesn't know much about black womens' hair.

ramblings...what's time?

It's 1:30 in the morning and I haven't written my blog yet. I guess I just haven't really been inspired today. My roommate and I just got back from CK's because I was starving and since I've become somewhat insomniac lately, I was hungry instead of asleep. You know that feeling that you get when you start to think about something and you think about it so much it almost becomes so foriegn, like it doesn't exist anymore? Maybe I'm weird but sometimes I just think about things and if I think about them so in depth, it just becomes this concept and seems like it could never really exist. Like time. I've been thinking about time a lot. Like, I'll be tired in the morning because I probably won't go to sleep until after 3...at least. But once I wake up, and get up, I'll be fine for the rest of the day. And the cycle will start over. Shouldn't I be more tired? I don't think this is really healthy.

Somewhere across the world it's the middle of the day right now. But it doesn't seem like that could be possible. Who invented this thing called time? Where did all the different time zones and stuff come from? I mean it seems like a pretty genious idea whoever came up with the concept for time zones. But then again why can't it be the same time everywhere? Like why can't it be 1:41 am in China right now? I mean, their am would just be the opposite from here and it would really mean daytime, but it would still be the same time. I just find it so weird. I don't know really. I don't know why I'm still awake. I don't know why I'm talking about time. I actually think I'm getting kind of tired. Maybe I'll actually be able to go to sleep tonight.

Public schools are what's failing

“The failure of public schools is not ruining society. The failure of society has ruined the public schools.”

I think the statement can go both ways. I don't think it's fair to blame society for all the problems of public schools. In fact I think it's mostly the other way around. I can see maybe a few points that would support society's failure, but I think the main problem is in that of public schools. Public schools for the most part in this country, especially in Memphis, are failing. Literally, they have failing rates on standardized tests. But more than that I think they are failing students all around. I hated high school. I will admit I'm a slacker and I'm not trying to blame anyone else for my lack of determination, but I think if scools had challenged us more from the beginning, I might have a better work ethic. It was so easy to pass high school it's not even funny. There were people that missed school more than they came that passed. That doesn't seem fair to those of us who went every single day. The teachers, for the most part, seemed to care less that they were supposed to be teaching us and let us get away with everything short of murder. We used to persuade our French teacher that we didn't feel like taking the test so she would just shrug and say ok, she'd give it to us next week. Schools are too focused on our dress code, whether or not our shirt is tucked in and if we have a belt on, and things like that that seem to have no affect on our education; rather than focusing on the actual thing at hand: teaching. Because we learned how to "just get by" in high school, a lot of people leave with that attitude and think they can "just get by" in college. I admit, sometimes I'm one of those people. But I watch our school's athletes in my classes. They think since they're athletes, they are automatically going to be drafted in a few years, therefore they don't need to take notes, they don't need to pay attention, hell, they don't even need to be in class. It really pisses me off. But where did they get that attitude? I saw it at my high school. The athletes got away with everything. They were never penalized for bad grades or missing school because they were needed to give our school a good name at the game on Friday. If you compare our school system to those in other countries, it's really sad. It's easy why most of the world thinks we're just "dumb Americans." Compared to them, we are. Many of them speak 3 or 4 languages by the time they get out of high school. We can't even speak English properly. It's really sad. And I think that is what has failed our economy. If people were expected to do more in public schools, we would have a more educated society. I see my friends that went to private school and they have a much less hard time than I do with this whole college thing. We took the same classes in high school, so why do I (who made straight A's in public school) need help from my friends who made c's all the way through private school? It's really just sad.

Sicko (again)

I wrote a blog last semester about a movie critique I had read about the movie "Sicko." I didn't see the movie until tonight though. We were offered extra credit to go see the movie "Sicko", playing at Rhodes, for our UNHP class. I was really excited because I had been wanting to see it ever since I read that article last semester. I'm still in awe. The movie is a real eye-opener and really gets you thinking. For those of you who know nothing of this movie, it is a documentary by Michael Moore of our country's health care system/health insurance. Many people are anti-Michael Moore because of his controversial ideas, but he really seems to stick to the facts and while he does show his opinions, I would consider them the opinions of the American people, not just his.

It really made me angry and sad to watch this movie and see the things that happen to uninsured Americans. Even those who are insured are not always fully covered. The movie documented stories of families who faced bankruptcy and death of loved ones all because their health insurance wouldn't pay for medicine or operations. All of this is a result of greedy insurance companies. They refuse to pay for needed medical assistance and even look for reasons why you shouldn't be covered to save them money. Isn't the point of health insurance to pay for medicare that you can not afford? It really just makes you sick to see the things that result when insurance companies refuse to pay. To see the type of people that suffer and the things they go through all because an insurance company wants to make a dollar.

What really makes you angry is to see all the countries that provide free healthcare to its citizens. That's right, absolutely FREE. Canada, Great Britain, France, even Cuba provide free healthcare. No more than 10 dollars in these countries get you the tests, surgeries, medications, etc. that you might need to survive a healthy life. You would think in such a developed and rich country as ours is, we would be able to receive free healthcare. But no, the United States is number 37 when it comes to ranking of good healthcare systems. In France you get a minimum of 5 paid weeks of vacation. This has nothing to do with sick days. There is no such thing as sick days in fact, because if you are sick, who's to tell you how long you can be sick for?

Obviously our country has some serious issues in the healthcare department. What are these other countries doing? Why can't our government learn from their example? The movie is full of comical relief. I think the best was when they showed how many American citizens do not get coverage they need, therefore do not get the medicare they need; but then went on to show Gauntanama Bay where they held a dozen Al Quida terrorists on American soil in a penetentiary where they received the best medical attention available. That's what really makes you wonder. How corrupt is your healthcare system when the terrorists are getting better medical attention than you are? It is really sickening.

I really encourage anyone who hasn't seen this movie to go out and rent it. And while I'm not sure what I can do to change this, it is something worth looking into. If it doesn't change I might just be packing up for France in the near future.

Insomnia

Lately I've been having a problem falling asleep at night. I don't know what it is but I just can't go to sleep. The other day I was up until about 5 am until I finally fell asleep. And because I was up so late I didn't hear my alarm go off, thus I missed english class. Then last night I had the same problem. I wasn't up as late as 5 but I still had a hard time going to sleep. I hate just sitting in bed waiting to fall asleep. And there's nothing on tv that late so I can't even watch tv. I really don't know what's causing this insomiac-ish behavior. hopefully I'll be able to go to sleep tonight. I guess in college you're naturally on a weird sleep schedule anyway with different class times everyday, and different things to do at night. It's really just hard to establish a consistent sleep pattern. I guess that's what comes along with the college life.

On the other hand, because of my insomnia, I was one of the first to hear of the writers' strike being over! I was watching late night insider and heard the amazing news! I can't wait until Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, and Pushing Daisies finally come back on the air. They said some shows may not be back on until March and as late as April; but the point is they're coming back!!!!

Total Disappointment...

So today is Valentine's Day. Whatever that's supposed to mean. This day was completely worthless. Valentine's Day is supposed to be all about love. Well it didn't feel like that at all. First of all, my boyfriend lives four and a half hours away, so needless to say I didn't get to spend the evening with him. On top of that I haven't even talked to him all day. He texted me to tell me happy valentine's day and that's it. I didn't get a present, a card, nothing. I on the other hand, shopped online a month ago to find his present, ordered it 2-day express, and then shipped it to him to be sure he would get it in time. He hasn't even called me to thank me or anything! This day is totally lame. He really just doesn't have any kind of romantic inclination at all and it kind of sucks. I don't know why I always think he'll surprise me, because I know him. I guess I just always expect it to be like a movie where I'll open my door in the morning and he'll be standing there with flowers or something. But no, nothing. Super lame. Whatever, I'm just ready to go to sleep and get this day over with. There's only 15 minutes left in this lame, overrated day. I was just totally disappointed....but whatever. I'll get over it. F valentine's day!

Responsibility

I know I don't always act like it but I feel very blessed. Tonight I picked up my brother and went to eat dinner at our church with our mother. My church does this lenten dinner series where every Wednesday night during lent they have a dinner at the church, followed by a speaker. Tonight's speaker was Joe Birch from the news. It was interesting. But that's not the point of my story at all. My brother is 23 years old and is entirely on his own and broke. We're really close, my brother and I, and we started talking about things while I drove him back out to his house after church. He was talking about how incredibly broke he is and thinking back now, I can't remember a time when he wasn't broke. My brother always seems to do things the hard way, which I guess is ok for me because I learn what NOT to do from him. My brother went to Memphis College of Art after high school. In case you aren't familiar, it's a very expensive private art school. He's never been that into school so he partied a lot and didn't go to class and ultimately failed a lot of courses. My parents were paying for things at the time but after that they told him he had to pay for school. Of course, this was very hard for my brother. Needless to say he has yet to graduate from college. Because he has to pay himself now, he has to take time off school to work and make money and once he's saved up enough he'll take a few courses, then take time off again to make money, and so forth. I on the other hand have always been really good with money. I also don't pay for school or insurance or for my cell phone or for rent or for my car; basically I pay for what I want. In that, I feel blessed. I really don't tell my parents how much I appreciate it, nor do I act like it, but I really do. After talking to my brother, I realize I could be paying loans, and tuition, and many other things, but I don't. My brother told me tonight that he hates being an adult. He hates all the responsiblity that comes along with it. I think we're all too quick to want to grow up and be on our own but we don't realize the kind of responsibility that comes with it until we're there ourselves. I remember I used to hate it when my mom would by the store brand instead of name-brand stuff. Now you don't see me buying anything name brand because it's coming out of my pocket. I didn't understand things like that when I didn't have any responsibilities. I guess it's one of those things that comes with age. No one wants it, but it's inevitable.

Let's Not Get Out the Vote

Right off the bat, the argument becomes very clear and is a good one at that. The argument is that of whether or not we should be required to vote. The speaker seems to be just an average citizen who believes that we should not be required to vote. They go on to explain why with a very intelligent argument. The speaker doesn't have to necessarily have a political affiliation. The argument for not voting if you are not well-informed seems like it could come from someone affiliated with any political party. It's not about the party, it's about your knowledge in the election.

The author is speaking to the general public. He is probably reaching out to speak more closely to those who do vote when they are not well-informed. He wants to get across the point that by voting, you are not doing a civic duty. Your duty is to know the election, the candidates, their stances and opinions. Then, and only then, should you vote. It is important for every citizen to realize this.

The media plays a huge part today in voter turnout. The campaign "Vote or Die" for example was a huge campaign in the last presidential election geared towards young Americans. Celebrities donned shirts with the catchphrase and it became more of a fashion statement than a political one. The purpose of "Vote or Die" was to get young adults to get out and vote in an important election. However, the campaign promoted nothing about gathering knowledge of the candidates before voting. It wasn't called "Once you've learned everything you can about each candidate, Vote or Die". A lot of young people who would be voting for the first time may have gotten the wrong idea from this campaign. The idea that it doesn't matter who you're voting for or what you know about them as long as you vote.

The arguement of this essay is that one should be well-informed of an election before voting. If you have no desire to learn anything about the election and it's candidates, then you should not vote. Many people have the misconception that you must vote or you are being a bad citizen. The article explains how in truth, you are being a bad citizen if you do vote without the correct knowledge. I completely agree with this arguement. I just voted for the first time last week in the primary election for presidency. I don't think I was as informed as I could be, but I knew about the candidate I was voting for. I agree with that candidates views for the most part. I will admit, I could know more about the opposing candidates. I promised myself that sicne this is the first election I can vote in, that I would try to gain as much knowledge about it as possible. It's harder than it looks because there are a lot of factors that can sway your vote. I do think it is very important though to know as much as possible or you should just stay home on election day. Why have people who don't know anything about the election voting for candidates that you may not want to win? That's like me going to England today and voting in their local election after not knowing anything about it.

In the first paragraph of this essay, you realize it was not written recently when the author mentions President Eisenhower. In a way it's surprising that this was written in 1955 because the author is so knowledgable. I don't know if it's just me, but there seems to be a misconception that people 50+ years ago were not as knowledgable because they didn't have the resources we have today. It's impressive that this author has such an intelligent argument.

Also, it shows us that even though this was written over 50 years ago, the same thing applies today. Obviously people were just as ignorant about the issue back then. It's kind of sad to think not much has changed in 50 years. People still think it's your duty to vote. There's a phrase that people say that if you don't vote, you can't complain about the outcome. I agree with that, but I think too many people vote merely because of that and not because they know what they are voting for. If you can't take the time to learn about an election and it's candidates, then no, you have no room to complain when they stick an idiot in office. But that shouldn't be your sole reason for voting.

I guess the important thing is to get the message across that by not voting, you may be performing a civic duty, just as you would by voting. Become knowledgable about the election, it's candidates, and the facts before you just cast an empty-minded vote.

Calling all rich men...

I seem to be having a hard time figuring out this whole college thing. I feel so lost. I haven't yet decided what I want to major in and it's really stressing me out. I started out majoring in Vocal performance because foe as long as I can remember singing has been my life. Singing is the only thing I've known I was good at and thought I could make a career out of. But last semester just totally changed my mind. The only thing I would ever want to do with music is sing; I don't want to be a teacher or conductor or anything. And the odds of having a well-paying job just singing are very slim. So I realized last semester I would be putting in a lot of work for something that wouldn't necessarily get me a good job. And I know the saying "It doesn't matter how much money you make as long as it makes you happy" but I really can't accept that. No I don't want some boring cubicle job just because it makes me tons of money, but I don't think I would be happy with a job that I didn't make a lot of money at. I would always be stressing out about money and bills and that would cancel out my love of the job. So I decided my heart wasn't in Vocal performance.

So that's where everything got messed up. I'm a very organized person, almost to the point of OCD. When things aren't organized or planned out to the tiniest details, I freak. So I'm kind of in freak out mode. I have no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life. I had it all planned out to major in Vocal performance and become an opera singer and now that's changed. I can't think of anything that I would be interested in doing for the rest of my life. Another problem is that I'm not very motivated. I expect things to come very easily to me because for most of my life they have, and I guess that was my down-fall. Because now I expect my classes to be easy and for me just to understand everything and I don't. That's what's stressing me out. It's hard for me to actually work and study, especially when I don't know what I'm working towards. Everyone tells me I'm only a freshman and I shouldn't worry about it right now because lots of people change their majors. But this isn't me. I've always had a plan.

So now school just kind of depresses me. I always joke about finding a rich man and just marrying him and dropping out of school. I won't need a job then because I'll have a rich husband! I know I could be a good wife and a good mom and I don't have to go to college for that. That seems like the only thing I know I could do. Don't get me wrong, I want to have a job. I'm kidding when I tell people I just want to live off of a rich man...for the most part anyways. It just seems like that would be the easy thing to do. I want to have a college degree, but I hate going through the classes I don't care about and trying to figure out what to do with my life. It keeps me constantly stressing out. I like going out of town a lot because I get to escape and not think about school and all the things I have to do. I know that's bad, but I can't help it. So until I figure out this thing called life, I guess all I can do is pray for a rich man.

Maturity

I've kept a journal for about 5 years now. I don't write in it every day, but I write in it whenever something happens in my life that I feel like I need to write about. It's my most prized possession. No one has ever read it but me. It's like I'm talking to myself, the only person who knows every thought and feeling that goes on in my mind, the only person who TRUELY understands everything I've ever been through. It's a way for me to sort out my feelings and help me figure out things. Well occasionally when I'm bored I pull out my books (there are two binders full of entries...about to be three) and just read from months and years ago. It's an escape back to a time where I didn't know what my future held. It's interesting to look back and see how much I've changed and how different a person I am today. I started writing in eigth grade. So it goes through every boyfriend, friend, fight, etc. that has happened since then. The thing I notice more than anything reading back on it now is how much I've matured. I think maturity is such a valuable trait to have. Girls, naturally, mature faster than boys. I feel like I have the maturity level of a 30 year old whereas most guys my age act like they have the maturity of a 13 year old. I think maturity is such a hard think to master. I look at my journal and see the silly things I would get upset about in high school and the petty things I would do. I also look back on previous relationships that I've written about, and realize how naive I was. It takes a lot of maturity to be in a meaningful relationship and after a year and a half with my boyfriend I think I'm finally finding that place of maturity that makes us work.

Last night, after turning the tv off and finally dozing off to sleep, my roommate and I were awakened by the screaming voices of girls. Within the next few minutes we realized that there was some kind of altercation happening down the hall...about 10 rooms down. The RA came in and asked to borrow our phone and called the campus police to come sort out and break up the fight. The only thing I could think is who does that? That's some high school....no, middle school bullshit right there. My roommate and I were just appalled that these college girls were fighting so loudly that we could hear it all the way down the hall...and it had been going on for about and hour and a half. I just think it's so immature. To not be able to work something out without having to scream and disrupt others and throw lotion bottles at each other (yes, they were throwing lotion bottles...I know right?). I just seems so juvenile.

I'm not saying I have to maturing to do. I certainly do. I just think it's so important to value maturity and strive towards it. I like escaping to that world where I'm still 14 and I'm naive and think I'm going to be with my current 14-year-old boyfriend for the rest of my life. But I'm glad I'm where I am now, and I'm curious as to what I'll be reading about myself in 10 years.

Reading at Otherland's

I went to hear DiAnne Malone and Torie Sanford-Finch tonight at Otherland's. I walked in and saw Sarah and Jenn sitting against the far wall, so I went to sit by them. I was a few minutes late but luckily they hadn't started yet, so I didn't interrupt anything. DiAnne went first. She sat down at the table and proceeded to read from her laptop. She read a non-fiction piece about the day her mother died. After she had been reading for a few minutes, it became clear that her story was not about her mother's funeral, in fact, it was about her father and his presence in her life. She told the story of how her father taught her how to ride a bike on the day her mother died and then left her to stay with her grandmother. She continued to talk about the gifts that her father sent her over the years and how she resented him for leaving her. She also told how her father was always at the events she needed him at; graduation, her wedding. Her writing was very straightforward. It was really easy to understand. Even when she switched back in forth to different stories in different times, she seemed to have a way to make it known what she was talking about. I really enjoyed her reading. It seemed easy to realte to her and understand how she realyl felt.

Next, Torie read a handful of poems she had written. The poems, keeping with the upcoming holiday, were about love and relationships. The poetry was harder for me to follow. She didn't have much of a pause between poems, so I found myself confused as to what poem she was reading. The words seemed to run together and nothing really stuck in my head. I just couldn't grasp anything because once I got the idea of the poem, it was over and she was aready half way into something else. Her words were eloquent but it might have been more effective to read just a few or mayeb a longer one. I enjoyed listening to the two women read though.

UNHP

As an honors student at the University of Memphis, I am required to take the courses UNHP 1101 and 1102, among other honors requirements, in order to graduate with honors. UNHP stands for University honors program and is a humanities class about globalization. Personally, I think it is the most useless and boring class I've ever had to take and I think it's ridiculous that we are required to take it. The class meets every Tuesday and Thursday. The Tuesday class is a large lecture class with 6 professors. Each week a different professor makes a lecture about some random thing about the world or its countries. Then on Thursdays we meet in a smaller section with one of the assigned teachers to talk about the lecture, talk about readings that are required for us to read, and do activites. It sounds like a good idea that should make us more weel-rounded right? Well it's not. We sit through the lectures in pain. It is quite possibly the most boring thing I've ever had to sit and listen to. Not to mention it lasts an hour and a half. Then we're required to read an article equally as boring to prepare for Thursday's class. The readings have been anywhere from 3 to 45 pages long. Yes, 45 pages. It just seems so pointless. The professors that teach the class are anthropologists, geologists, etc. I'm sorry to say, and I know this sounds really bad, but what 19-year-old college kid cares anything about some random tribe in the deserts of Africa that wears only a string around their waste. I mean that's great and all to learn about other cultures but I honestly don't care. Tuesday we sat in class and listened to our awkward professor talk about other cultures sex habits....I never want to hear the word "ejaculation" out of my professors mouth again. AWKWARD. I just really don't see the relevance of this class. I understand what they are trying to accomplish, but they need to think of a better way to do it.

I just read one of the readings for tomorrow's class. It's about this society called the Nacirema who obsess about the human body and consider it an ugly thing. The reading went on to describe all their weird rituals like drilling holes in one's teeth and filling them with magic herbs or else they fear their teeth will rot and their gums will bleed. They believe in secrecy of bodily functions so they have shrines in their homes and that is where they perform any kind of body excretion in private. Not even their spouses ever see this. It was so weird.

I'm not trying to say I'm some ignorant person that doesn't care about other cultures. I know that's what it sounds like. But the way they teach it to us in this class just bores us to death and makes us not really care. I think it's good to learn about other cultures and understand why other people do things differently than we do. I just wish they could figure out a way to make this more interesting to us so we don't dread going to class everyday. I sympathize with everyone that has to take UNHP.

Naturdal disaster...?

Everyone has been kind of crazy today with all the tornado sirens and everything. I don't know why everyone gets so freaked out anytime they hear there's a tornado warning. I mean really, it's Memphis...this kind of weather always happens. Everyone got all excited thinking school would be cancelled....and yeah it was for the night; AFTER most classes were already over. People make too big a hype over this stuff. I admit it gets kind of creepy when the sirens go off and the sky is black, but people freak out so muc that they don't use common sense. I was at the post office applying for a passport when the sirens started going off and it was raining really hard. They closed the doors and so we were pretty much locked in the post office. I guess I wasn't really freaking out because I've been through tornados before. I know the drill. I guess I just don't really think anything bad is going to happen. You never really do until something happens. So I guess until I get swept away by a tornado, heaven forbid, I'm not really going to freak out about it.

[ok so I just spent 20 minutes sitting in the hallway waiting for something to happen...nothing did]

this just proves my point. They made us all go sit in the hall for no reason. They don't know what they're doing. I really just don't know what else to say about the situation. This is so stupid.

The Magic Flute

This weekend I got some very exciting news. Well it started a couple weeks ago when I was in choir and we got some information about the opera that the music school is doing in April. They said they needed 5 women and 5 men to sing in the chorus and said anyone that was interested should stop by and let them hear our voice. Well I was really interested because opera is what I've been interested in for a while now and it's an opera that I really like; The Magic Flute by Mozart. So I emailed the head of the opera department to let him know I was interested, but I wasn't really expecting anything because they only needed 5 women and they already had more than 10 interested. So I waited for an email back, and waited, and waited. I never heard anything. (Turns out he had really emailed me back, but my school email got switched to the new system and I didn't know that, so I was still checking my old email and nothing was getting through. I finally realized what had happened, and I must say I don't really like the new email system, but thats another story completely.) Well since I wasn't hearing from him, I thought I would drop by and make sure he got my email. He said he had and we wanted me to come in and hear me sing. So last Tuesday I went to his office and he just had me sing Happy Birthday in a few different keys. After I sang he told me about another role in the opera. There are three spirits that were written to be played by children but over the years young women have played the roles. He told me that when they decided to do this opera, they decided they wanted it to be as it was originally written, and planned on putting children in the roles. But after telling me all this, he asked me if I might be interested in one of those roles instead of the chorus; since I'm pretty petite, I could pull off looking like a child. Of course I said yes, I would take anything. But he said he still had other people to listen to and would let me know by the beginning of this week. Well Friday I was checking my email and to my surprise I had and email saying they wanted me to play one of the spirits! I was so excited!! It's a slightly bigger role than being in the chorus, and I wasn't even expecting to get that, so I was super excited. Not to mention I get paid $650 to be in it!!! I can't wait. I'm not really worried about it being a big time restraint or anything. In high school we did plays and we would rehearse every night until around midnight for about 3 1/2 months straight. This opera starts rehearsing after spring break and only rehearses a few weeks before opening. So I really can't wait. It shows on Friday, April 18 and Sunday, April 20....so you should definitely come see it and see me!!!