Monday, February 11, 2008

Calling all rich men...

I seem to be having a hard time figuring out this whole college thing. I feel so lost. I haven't yet decided what I want to major in and it's really stressing me out. I started out majoring in Vocal performance because foe as long as I can remember singing has been my life. Singing is the only thing I've known I was good at and thought I could make a career out of. But last semester just totally changed my mind. The only thing I would ever want to do with music is sing; I don't want to be a teacher or conductor or anything. And the odds of having a well-paying job just singing are very slim. So I realized last semester I would be putting in a lot of work for something that wouldn't necessarily get me a good job. And I know the saying "It doesn't matter how much money you make as long as it makes you happy" but I really can't accept that. No I don't want some boring cubicle job just because it makes me tons of money, but I don't think I would be happy with a job that I didn't make a lot of money at. I would always be stressing out about money and bills and that would cancel out my love of the job. So I decided my heart wasn't in Vocal performance.

So that's where everything got messed up. I'm a very organized person, almost to the point of OCD. When things aren't organized or planned out to the tiniest details, I freak. So I'm kind of in freak out mode. I have no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life. I had it all planned out to major in Vocal performance and become an opera singer and now that's changed. I can't think of anything that I would be interested in doing for the rest of my life. Another problem is that I'm not very motivated. I expect things to come very easily to me because for most of my life they have, and I guess that was my down-fall. Because now I expect my classes to be easy and for me just to understand everything and I don't. That's what's stressing me out. It's hard for me to actually work and study, especially when I don't know what I'm working towards. Everyone tells me I'm only a freshman and I shouldn't worry about it right now because lots of people change their majors. But this isn't me. I've always had a plan.

So now school just kind of depresses me. I always joke about finding a rich man and just marrying him and dropping out of school. I won't need a job then because I'll have a rich husband! I know I could be a good wife and a good mom and I don't have to go to college for that. That seems like the only thing I know I could do. Don't get me wrong, I want to have a job. I'm kidding when I tell people I just want to live off of a rich man...for the most part anyways. It just seems like that would be the easy thing to do. I want to have a college degree, but I hate going through the classes I don't care about and trying to figure out what to do with my life. It keeps me constantly stressing out. I like going out of town a lot because I get to escape and not think about school and all the things I have to do. I know that's bad, but I can't help it. So until I figure out this thing called life, I guess all I can do is pray for a rich man.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hey Emily. I always wondered what you were talking about last semester when you said you had to write all these blogs last semester but now I know. I just wanted to tell you that I think it is perfectly fine to not know what you want to do quite yet. I know it bothers you probably but I am not sure that it is something that should be rushed. I think you will figure it out soon enough. Good luck and I miss you and Angie!